RANTS IN MY PANTS

STUPID PATIENT:Hello, I want to make an appointment with Dr Smythe because my eyes are blurry and he told me that I need to wait for two years before considering Lasik surgery, so I need an appointment for glasses.

Me: Well-our optometrists are at the other office if you'd like, I can connect you and they can refract you there for the glasses.

S.P.: Well, I saw an optometrist there before.

Me: No, you saw a technician here before and they did a preliminary vision exam prior to your visit with Dr Smythe.

S.P. Well she said it was.

Me: Well, it was not, because you weren't charged $20.00 ever. That's how much refractions are.

S.P. Yes it was!

Me: Sir, I'm not going to argue with you. Do you want me to transfer you to the other office so that the secretary there can make you an appointment?

S.P. I think I have an infection so I'd like to make an appointment with Dr Smythe there anyway.

Me: Dr Smythe is out of town. I'll make you an appointment with his associate White.

S.P. Well, I want to see Dr Smythe!

Me: He's not in the country. The first available is the second week in March.

SP: Can I wear my contacts until I see him?

ME THINKING: YOU STUPID MF CS AH FUBAR BRAINED Arse wipe!

ME saying: If you think you have an infection, it's not a good idea.

S.P.: I can't see and I want to see Dr Smythe!

Me: Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Your choice is to wait two weeks or see the doctor's associate.

SP: I want to see an optometrist.

ME THINKING: Here we go again!

ME SAYING:Sir I told you the optometrists are at the other office, would you like me to transfer you there?

S.P. You are very rude, why are you yelling?

(At that point Dr Lou was sitting in front of me and I asked him, "Dr Lou, was I just yelling at this person, with whom I'm talking?" DR LOU: "No")

ME: Sir, I just asked Dr Lou if he thought I was yelling at you, since he's sitting here. He said I wasn't yelling, so for the record I was not yelling at you. Now what would you like me to do, Call Dr Smythe and tell him to come back from his vacation to see you, transfer you to the other office or make an appointment here for you with his associate? (Dr Lou was laughing his ass off, while listening to this)

Stupid patient: Hangs Up.

Me thinking: Thank you God!

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Secretary from another department in the hospital........ Hello, I'm calling from cardiology and I have a patient of Dr Lou's who I have to cancel surgery on. It's scheduled next week and we can't give cardiology clearance on her, so I'm cancelling on her behalf.

ME: Well this is the clinic, I'll transfer you to the surgery department where surgeries are scheduled at.

Stupid Secretary:No, no, I don't want to schedule surgery. I want to cancel surgery.

ME: Right, I'll connect you to that secretary who scheduled her surgery. This is the Eye Clinic.

S.S. You don't understand! I want to cancel surgery, not schedule it!

Me thinking: LOOK YOU BOX OF ROCKS FOR A BRAIN, Hellooooooo, doesn't logic and common sense tell you that if surgery is scheduled with surgery, then only they can cancel it?! DUH! Jackass!

ME: If they're the ones scheduling the surgery, then only they can cancel them.

# posted by A Fashionista @ 5:48 PM