Sunday, October 23, 2005
NEVER KNOCK ON MY DOOR
I don't ever answer the door when someone knocks on it. I blatantly ignore it.
However on two occasions in 3 years I did.
One neighbor knocked once for washing machine quarters I got really pissed cause it was two days after a surgery I had and after she knocked three separate times - I opened it and reamed her, "I HAD SURGERY! DO NOT KNOCK ON MY DOOR AGAIN. I'M IN BED!" Never had a problem again with that one.
The next neighbor who knocked on my door was a day I was home sick with a head cold. I answered the door in my robe in the dark and said that I work at a hospital and worked third shift now so please do not disturb me anymore. This was a lie. Some of these losers think I'm their best buddy cause I stop and chat with them for 5 minutes once or twice.... WTF They can't pick up the hall phone and dial first? You have to maniacally rap on my door cause you see a leak in the hallway ceiling? Why the fuck should I even care? I'm not the custodian or the custodian's wife or girlfriend or even on the condo board.
If they were to call from the hallway, that would connect them to my phone and answering machine. If I'm sick or sleeping, the answering machine is on low volume and the ringer is off. So as to not disturb me and there would be a greeting...I'm sick as a dog so leave a message and I'll call you when I wake up tomorrow morning.
So she says "Well I was worried that there was a flood upstairs from you, and I wanted to alert you. > "Well if I was at home, I'd notice wouldn't I? And if I wasn't you could have just left me a message on my phone from the hallway, and if I was out somewhere, I'd know about it quicker since my phone is forwarded to my mobile when I'm away."
So she looks at me after telling me about the leak and says, "So what's wrong with you?" Me, "I'M SICK".
Her -> Oh I'm sorry. I'll let you go back to sleep.
Me thinking DUMB ASS!
I should have said, "You interrupted my boyfriend and I having after dinner sex!"
The next dumb ass neighbor who comes rapping on my door will get the whole Jack Nicholson scene from As Good As It Gets recited to them. The one where his gay neighbor (Greg Kinnear) knocks while he's at work on his novel and interrupts him for the second time...................
Well, I work all the time. So
never, never again interrupt me.
Okay? I mean, never. Not 30
years from now... not if there's
fire. Not even if you hear a thud
from inside my home and a week
later there's a smell from in
there that can only come from a
decaying body and you have to hold
a hanky against your face because
the stench is so thick you think
you're going to faint even then
don't come knocking!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
PHONE FIRST
I'm sick of people and my neighbors expecting me to drop what I'm doing and run to the door to open it up as soon as they knock and pound and knock harder. What the fuck? Don't just come over without calling first. Cause if I'm in the bathroom with hair dye or hot oil, I'm not going to rinse off and scurry around to dry off or get dressed or interrupt a phone conversation or my instant messaging or what ever - just to entertain your bored ass! How self centered! Is it all about you? Is it too difficult to use your mobile or the hall phone to ring me first? Has humanity forgotten about common courtesy? There are very few shows I watch but I don't like to be interrupted when I do. 24, Alias and CSI. So phone first and if I don't answer, it's because I really really want to watch my show. Finish an email. Or finish my long distance conversation in private with my friend or relative.
I'm going to get a door plaque. Phone first. Oh and by the way -- When you knock and I ignore the door.....it doesn't mean KNOCK HARDER JACKASS! It means GO AWAY.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
I HEAR IT TASTES LIKE CHICKEN
Sunday, October 02, 2005
GOING TO EUROPE
People annoy me. When the people at work found out I was going on vacation to Europe, all I heard was bring me this and bring me that! WTF? I'm going on vacation with only two carry on bags and I get a fucking shopping list. I told them I was only taking one carry on. LOL Anyway, of course I expected this, so I didn't tell anyone except the boss I was going to Europe and told her to not tell anyone. But one week before departure she had sudden diarrhea of the mouth and told a colleague, who then told everyone. I was pissed. That's when I told everyone that I was only taking a carry on bag and that I wouldn't have room for any shit except for what I planned to get MYSELF! I never saw a bunch of uglier mugs in my life. They were all pissed off at me. "So why do you only have to take one carry on?" a couple people had the balls to ask. "Because, I have to be the one shlepping shit around up and down stairs and on the trains and buses ALONE WITHOUT ANY HELP AND IT'S TIRING". It shut them up. But they are all asses. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to shlep shit back for me. When someone asks, I'll say earrings or something as small or flat (like a scarf) as possible and only if they're asking. Not shit like books, posters, clothes, shoes and ceramics which I've been asked for.
Some people have no shame. What can I say. I was raised too prim and properly. I must really seem abby normal to these country folk.
It's just too much trouble carrying large suitcases on and off the Eurail system, coaches, airplane stairs etc. One small little lady with carry ons packed to the max full of Italian shoes and hand bags, pashminas and cool Italian sunglasses. How would I ever fit anything else in them? I ended up getting all the women a tube of some discontinued turquoise green mascara I found at a random drugstore for almost two bucks each. LOL They'll never know that's it's the Italian equivalent of Bonnie Bell. LOL LOL Well they thought it was cool and that was that. I got luke warm thanks from half of them and the other half were truly excited about it and used it right away.
Some people have no shame. What can I say. I was raised too prim and properly. I must really seem abby normal to these country folk.
It's just too much trouble carrying large suitcases on and off the Eurail system, coaches, airplane stairs etc. One small little lady with carry ons packed to the max full of Italian shoes and hand bags, pashminas and cool Italian sunglasses. How would I ever fit anything else in them? I ended up getting all the women a tube of some discontinued turquoise green mascara I found at a random drugstore for almost two bucks each. LOL They'll never know that's it's the Italian equivalent of Bonnie Bell. LOL LOL Well they thought it was cool and that was that. I got luke warm thanks from half of them and the other half were truly excited about it and used it right away.
WHY THE HELL WOULD A PERSON BUY A KID THIS?
