Sunday, October 23, 2005
NEVER KNOCK ON MY DOOR
I don't ever answer the door when someone knocks on it. I blatantly ignore it.
However on two occasions in 3 years I did.
One neighbor knocked once for washing machine quarters I got really pissed cause it was two days after a surgery I had and after she knocked three separate times - I opened it and reamed her, "I HAD SURGERY! DO NOT KNOCK ON MY DOOR AGAIN. I'M IN BED!" Never had a problem again with that one.
The next neighbor who knocked on my door was a day I was home sick with a head cold. I answered the door in my robe in the dark and said that I work at a hospital and worked third shift now so please do not disturb me anymore. This was a lie. Some of these losers think I'm their best buddy cause I stop and chat with them for 5 minutes once or twice.... WTF They can't pick up the hall phone and dial first? You have to maniacally rap on my door cause you see a leak in the hallway ceiling? Why the fuck should I even care? I'm not the custodian or the custodian's wife or girlfriend or even on the condo board.
If they were to call from the hallway, that would connect them to my phone and answering machine. If I'm sick or sleeping, the answering machine is on low volume and the ringer is off. So as to not disturb me and there would be a greeting...I'm sick as a dog so leave a message and I'll call you when I wake up tomorrow morning.
So she says "Well I was worried that there was a flood upstairs from you, and I wanted to alert you. > "Well if I was at home, I'd notice wouldn't I? And if I wasn't you could have just left me a message on my phone from the hallway, and if I was out somewhere, I'd know about it quicker since my phone is forwarded to my mobile when I'm away."
So she looks at me after telling me about the leak and says, "So what's wrong with you?" Me, "I'M SICK".
Her -> Oh I'm sorry. I'll let you go back to sleep.
Me thinking DUMB ASS!
I should have said, "You interrupted my boyfriend and I having after dinner sex!"
The next dumb ass neighbor who comes rapping on my door will get the whole Jack Nicholson scene from As Good As It Gets recited to them. The one where his gay neighbor (Greg Kinnear) knocks while he's at work on his novel and interrupts him for the second time...................
Well, I work all the time. So
never, never again interrupt me.
Okay? I mean, never. Not 30
years from now... not if there's
fire. Not even if you hear a thud
from inside my home and a week
later there's a smell from in
there that can only come from a
decaying body and you have to hold
a hanky against your face because
the stench is so thick you think
you're going to faint even then
don't come knocking!
